CYNICISM-Death of Innocence

Well soon I will turn 26. Well !Well! more than a quarter of century old ,with a feeling of been there done that. Ha! Anbody even a year younger seems so young and immature. I know the best for myself .. I know the rights and wrongs.. I am judging people all the time. I am suspicious of anybody and everybody. I know the world is grey and I know what I am and what I should. I can never fall in love,because at my age people look for just conveniences. I know what I should do with my career and life. I should marry the perfect guy- who is well kept,educated,mature amd loving(Does a guy like that even exist?)-CYNICISM AGAIN
And then my whole comfort zone goes crashing ,when I see a so called immature and silly gurl looking so happy with her life changing. When I meet some strangers who come and shake my comfort zone telling me that I should move on and embrace life. When someone I know is on the national daily not because he invented a some thing but because he took it in his hands to ensure that better roads be constructed .
I thought, yu had to do great things to be famous and remembered, and then I see a young girl whose only aim is to ensure that her father quits drinking, or a girl who follows her heart even if it means leaving her career behind.
So why do we take birth? What are we living for? What is a better tomorrow? Is it good to be restless?Or is it good to be just content with the present? Then how do you grow? Isn't life full of paradoxes? What is right and what is wrong? Doesn't life make you cynical by being so complex?
I kept waiting for a friend for an hour, got into trouble with my mother? Was it worth it? Was the friend worth it? But what about the times we had fun? What about the times he helped me heal the hurt even the closest couldn't heal.
And what about the guy who broke your heart? Is he the worst human being who took advantage of your feelings? But what about the times of the times he wiped away your tears and made you feel like the best person in the world? What are the answers to these questions?
The last time my friend didn't turn up for a date,I decided I will never trust him,never go out with him? But what about the time he went to fetch my mother from the airport?
I dont trust the human kind because women they are mean, conviving b?&4%es and well for men I just have one word B$%$*?@'s . But what about the women, other that your mother,who taught you fashion, need to speak your mind and being yourself. And those men,other than your father, who stood by you,never kicked back when yu fought with them,who stayed out of their house because you had to catch a train late at night or had no where to go at night.
After all this ,do I still have a reason to tell the world I hate you and I have been cheated. So what if I was stood up, dumped,jilted..... There was a time when I did the same. And yes I have to look forward to the time when some one would come by and tell me that you would be the next president of our organisation or when some one says you are the most beautiful woman of the world and when a little hand pulls at your dress and says " Mumma I am tired! Please pick me up!"
Will that be the end of my life and achievements. Maybe not maybe as each day goes by there is a new achievement,new hope -- A NEW DAY!

Silence before the Storm

Sometimes life suddenly seems to come to a standstill. You feel as if you are walking in a trance with now where to go and nothing to do. Your mind is blank and there is not a thought in your mind. I seems every body and thing is moving in a slow motion. There is an agitation hidden somewhere in your mind maybe. The sounds and laughter you hear sound distant as if you are invisible to the world and people. When you talk to people or they talk to you it seems as if you have woken up from your sleep.
What is happening? Your mind begins to panic and try to find the culprit... And each thought that tries to arise seems seems to struggle this marsh of mist which is just like quick sand.The more it tries to rise the more it is suppressed. Then the mind tries to look for a savior and the world looks like it has gone totally blank tooo.... Its almost like you are drowning and there is noone to save you....
A tiny stiffled voice is crying out SAVE ME..... SAVE ME SOMEONE ...... Please!
But you keep struggling in the hope that sometime someone will hear you and come to your rescue. And then a storm rises some far away and a hurricane pulls you out of this quicksand and sweeps you to lands unknown where there is laughter,happiness and lots of energy to keep you going on a on till the the marsh takes over againt to slow you down, only to encouurage you to fight back.